.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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