My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
