hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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