My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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