i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Terrible idea I love it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
