It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
