remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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