A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
