what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
