Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
