You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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