They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
