Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
