I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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