Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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