hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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