i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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