R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
