Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
