I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
