i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
