its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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