Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
