Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
