sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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