Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
No more Irish car bombs ever.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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