You can't special order awesome
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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