i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
