I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
