Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
