You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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