How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
