The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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