I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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