Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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