I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
