the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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