I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
