the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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