put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
