it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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