he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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