If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
