U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
