i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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