you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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