Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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