So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
