Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
