It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
