is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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