I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
