fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
