i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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