evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
