im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize