they need to just BURY HIM!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
