so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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