I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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