My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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