Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have demons in me.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
