When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
