Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
