Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
They are going to name an STD after you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we should paint friendship bongs
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
