you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
