Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
did i walk over a car last night?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
