I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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